Just Sit Absolutely Still and Don't Even Breath
by SoEverythingisPornNow
Summary: Equius finds a baby hoofbeast outside his hive and proceeds to take it in with him. Nervous sweating ensues and STRENGTH becomes a problem. Inspired by this tumblr post:


"CAN YOU IMAGINE EQUIUS TRYING TO TAKE CARE OF A BABY HOOFBEAST OH MY GOD HE'D TRY TO BE SO GENTLE AND BE AFRAID TO TOUCH IT AND IT WOULD CLIMB ON HIS LAP AND HE WOULD JUST _**SIT ABSOLUTELY STILL AND NOT EVEN BREATHE"**_

_ Equius was walking laps around his hive, mourning the destruction of another fine bow and the reminder of his own failure to master the noble art of archery. It was dim outside, just before daybreak, the sky tinted a pinkish orange. To avoid the scalding heat of the Alternian sun he would have to retreat back inside, but he needed a few more moments alone, without Aurthour's worried coddling to distract him. _

_ It was during this last lap, as he began to feel the heat of the sun on his neck, that he saw it. A hoofbeast, the most magnificent creature in all of creation. It was just a baby, hardly able to stand, probably no more than 3 weeks old. Equius's extensive reading, both factual and fictional (His guilty pleasure was the well known Fifty Shades of Neigh, an erotic novel about a sweet maiden hoofbeast and her sultry lover, an enjoyment he would never disclose to anyone, not even his moirail) had taught him much about the development of hoofbeasts, who took months to gain stability while they waited for their spindly childhood legs to become STRONG and muscular._

_ As Equius gazed at the beautiful animal curled against his porch he realized that it could not survive the heat of the day in such an exposed and barren place. He must take it inside at once! But he knew that he could not pick up the creature or he might break its fragile body. Dashing up the stairs, Equius knocked into Aurthour on his way to make more milk for the kitchens. He frantically explained the situation while Aurthour picked his bruised body up from the floor and they descended the numerous flights of stairs to the ground. _

_Outside the heat was becoming more intense and Equius broke into a sweat, waiting for Aurthour to pick up the tiny hoofbeast and carry it inside. One near deadly fall and many towels later, the baby creature was safely set on the couch, Equius hovering over it, checking methodically for any damage Aurthour might have caused before he was dismissed. When he was satisfied he perched himself on the couch, on the opposite end of the animal, afraid he might hurt it if he got too close. _

_After some thought Equius decided the hoofbeast deserved a name. An animal so noble as this deserved an equally noble name, one that would reflect its beautiful white mane and big glistening eyes that watched Equius's every more. Peering closely at the hoofbeast, wracking his brain for a proper title, Equius noticed that it was a female hoofbeast. Well… That complicated things. _

_Realizing the content of many of his more scandalous posters, Equius jumped from the couch, breaking a robot's arm in the process, and rushed to take down the controversial pictures. Such sights were not appropriate for a innocent lady hoofbeast. Only once all the posters were safely tucked into a corner did Equius return to the couch, wiping away the nervous sweat that coated his brow._

_Acorn, he decided, Acorn was a fitting name for her, matching her soft chestnut coat and brown eyes. Equius smiled nervously at Acorn._

_CT: D- E%cuse the unmentionab1e e%amp1e of your species' ma1e imagery_

_CT: D- I was not e%pecting your presence in my hive 1ady Acorn _

_Acorn watched Equius as he spoke, giving no sign of recognition. After a moment or two of silence had passed, she began to scoot her way up the couch towards him. _

_CT: D- Wou1d you 1ike a refreshment my 1ady_

_Equius began to wish he had more towels close at hand. Acorn had ignored his proposal, scooting closer and closer to him along the couch. Equius was sweating buckets by now, his nervousness and awe in conflict with one another._

_CT: D- Might I advise you to cease your advances 1ady Acorn_

_Acorn paused, looking up at Equius, her lean neck and head hovering just above his lap. With a whiny she flopped her head into his lap, and proceeded to go to sleep. Equius froze, panicked, not daring to move, not even breath, for fear of breaking this fragile child. He stared straight ahead, stock still, with a nervous grin plastered on his face. _

_At one point in the day, Aurthour poked his head in to check on his charge, but left after seeing the display, believing that a tender moment was taking place and that his intervention was unnecessary. And so Equius was left frozen for the day, letting the baby hoofbeast sleep, while he tried to calm himself to cease the nervous sweat he was suffering through. Eventually Acorn woke up, moving on to do other noble things within the hive, and Equius collapsed onto the couch, exhausted for the first time in sweeps. All he could think about was how wonderful it would be once Acorn had grown, and he could bask in her glory without fear of breaking her. Finally someone to match his STRENGTH._


End file.
